Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
