peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
