Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
