i think i have two assholes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
