I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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