Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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