Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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