i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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