We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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