Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it's great music for shaving your balls
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
