Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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