i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize