you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
