If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
