We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
