Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
