When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
honey bunches of taint.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
