we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
