Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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