He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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