I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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