franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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