I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
