She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize