Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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