I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
