cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
