You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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