Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize