Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
