She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dick very happy bro
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