just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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