She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
