My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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