There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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