I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
