ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
