there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
