I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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