I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
