Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
