Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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