the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
