the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
