and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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