ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
