I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
soo... how was my night?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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