If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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