Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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