best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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