if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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