whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
