I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
