So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
