Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize