I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
