Duck Duck Cougar?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
