I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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