I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
