Umm I'm too high to move.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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