Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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