Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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