So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
