The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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