You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
