DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
