hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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