I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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