i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
