i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
