Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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