fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My pussy is not your playground.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
