It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
