He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
