you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
