we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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