Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
