I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
