and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
