hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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