Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize