Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
