i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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