i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This house was built for laser tag.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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