on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
