i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
