What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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