I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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