I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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