apparently the secret to your success is patron
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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