note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize