How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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